Movie Review: Shazam! (2019)

I’ve said it once and I’ll say it a thousand more times. I have no idea if I enjoyed this movie. How does that even happen?

Y’all, I kinda get why we cast older people to play teens. Kids aren’t always the best actors. They do, okay, I guess. But like, underwhelmed by the cast overall. Do you know what’s worse than just okay kid actors? Adult actors acting like kids. Literally the only one who pulled it off was Zachary Levi and I’m not even attracted to him so that was sad for me.

Yeah, Zachary Levi was as advertised. Funny but playing a character that was pushed into a ton of character development that he didn’t deliver on as well as his kid version did which made for an awkward character overall.

And I can’t believe I’m saying this but I didn’t enjoy Mark Strong’s character. Normally I’m a ride or die for him but the amount of effort put into making his character interesting was minimal and really that’s not on him. It’s on my actual complaint for the movie.

Can we. Please. Stop. Using suck meta villains in origin stories? Or just in general but definitely in origin stories. What’s the worst part of Doctor Strange? The fact that he’s fighting some disembodied, difficult to understand bad guy. Ryan Reynolds’ Green Lantern? Disembodied form of a concept. Problem with Dark Phoenix? We have some cloud as half the problem instead of learning literally anything about the people she fights. This movie? Seven deadly sins that sometimes are corporeal and sometimes are possessing someone and sometimes are part of a dream realm kingdom where there are seven thrones and we end up with six peeps because this movie hates me.

If your main threat is going to include “cloud”, “essence of”, or “disembodied” please just don’t until the story is established hard by previous movies. The seven deadly sins takes way more to establish than power hungry tech guy with too much money.

Verdict: 2/5, I honestly have no idea, like, I laughed, a lot, but I also could not care less about this movie and really hope to never see it or another like it again. What even is that as a reaction?

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