Movie Review: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2014)

I will start with my conclusion because I want to be up front with my feelings about this movie. I loved this movie. I’m going to pay to see it again. That’s right folks, I am willing to put on an actual outfit, do my makeup, drive, pay cash I slaved at a desk to earn, turn off my phones, and sit still doing nothing but staring at a screen AGAIN just to get to see this movie a second time.

Spoilers below, darlings.

This movie is fresh. I assume the script was written by a group of immature, irreverent, intelligent people who long to escape from the demons of reality through outrageous violence and humor. Honestly, the worst parts of this movie for me were the violence and sexual humor. I know this was set up to be the other movie you could see on Valentine’s Day if you didn’t want to see Fifty Shades but they maybe could have been a little less male toned. The last 15ish minutes have a few fairly shocking sex jokes. But this is a kind of re-imagined, modern James Bond concept so I guess the frank approach to the sex aspect fits.

The fighting scenes are pretty hard to watch. They are hard to watch not just because of the amount of bodies and blatant mutilation but also because it was filmed in a less than pleasing manner. Have you noticed a trend in action films recently where the filming style sometimes leaves the impression that the camera is doing more combat moves than the actor? That was the style they used.

The saving grace for the violence was its distance. Continue reading

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Movie Review: The Wedding Ringer (2015)

I saw this movie a week ago actually and feel so little about it that I actually considered not reviewing it. But I want the site traffic so here ya go.

The acting was okay but I feel like the main two character had to act down to their scripted roles. This could have been a movie with a meaning. They alluded to that potential a few times when Kevin Hart questioned his choices to be a friend for pay but a true friend to nobody. It could have been a comedy with depth. Unfortunately, that potential wasn’t realized because they were too busy making awful jokes about bestiality.

There were a few good moments. Continue reading

Pilot Review: Backstrom

Holy failure. This show is interesting but has no hope. Let me tell you why.

The good:

Some of the character (Valentine in particular) have amazing potential. If this show was called Stealing Pretty Things and Hitting On Hot Men with Valentine then maybe it could survive.

Sometimes the dark material is strikingly honest.

The bad:

Unfortunately, when I’m not bored by the stereotype of the breaking stereotypes female cop and distracted by the Allstate guy pretending he isn’t selling me car insurance I have to deal with a funny actor proving that just because a character is dynamic and controversial does not mean that that character should have an entire TV show.

With all the character potential the show is still pretty boring and doesn’t create plots that allow the audience to engage with them.

Verdict: Meh, don’t bother. It will be dead soon enough.

Score: 2/5, Valentine 5/5

Pilot Review: Fresh Off the Boat

Ladies and gents, I am pleased to inform you that I have a new half hour show to enjoy and moan about if it gets cancelled.

The good:

This show is well written and since it is based on a book we can laugh at another person’s culture and family issues without feeling like terrible people. The humor is delivered beautifully and the writing is trim in a way that still allows for exploration and social commentary without being heavy, serious, preachy, or boring.

The adults are doing a good job in their roles and the mother in particular is legit as all get out.

The bad:

There is no way the show can have a long run life and keep its light, self-deprecating tone.

The child actors are pretty bad. I mean, sure they are children, but there is no need for them to all be squinting instead of emoting and repeating instead of speaking.

Verdict: Give the show a chance. We’ll see how it evolves and grows into itself.

Score: 4/5

Movie Review: Seventh Son (2014)

Have you ever watched Earthsea or Eragon or Stardust and thought, “Man, this is great but I’m getting bogged down by the tight plot and solid back story”? Well then, you are in luck.

Warning: Spoilers (duh)

This is a movie about a guy with a generic guy name that isn’t sexily exotic like Caspian who wanders around with something called a “spook” in a kind of magical world. Watch Caspian transform from guy who can’t throw knives wearing a sweatshirt stoners lust after into a guy who only throws a knife well once while wearing a Ralph Lauren hooded sweater with a bloody stab sploch where the horse used to be.

You can enjoy him as he does amazing things like: Continue reading

Episode Review: Bachelor, Season Chris, Final Word

Listen folks, I wanted to do episode reviews. Frankly, it’s like 98% of the reason for the traffic on this webpage that isn’t from spam. But I can’t. I just don’t care.

I don’t care about him. I didn’t really care that much about him before and I still don’t. Sure, he’s a great guy, a nice guy, a rich guy, a moderately attractive guy. But he’s also so boring. Like a potato. You can throw all kinds of things on a potato but eventually you are just done with the starch.

I don’t care about the girls. Each girl has a cliché drama things that is just falling flat. Like, drama in a can. Each can is a new surprise except sometimes you just end up with two virgins and one who doesn’t shower.

So it is with relief that I let you know that I will not be reviewing the rest of the season. I’ll be back when there is a reverse harem for me to fantasize about.

-Prisma