Movie Review: Pitch Perfect 3 (2017)

I am pretty sure I liked this more than the 2nd and I didn’t mind the 2nd one. But Prisma, you may bemoan, I’ve always thought of you as a connoisseur of culture and now I’m going to hear a glowing review of this idol of empty capitalism? Whatever, calm down, it’s not good enough to get all artsy hoity-toity over.

I frequently make fun of myself for laughs so I appreciate it when a movie does the same for my benefit. Where are some of the actors from the other movies? Meh, somewhere over there. Are we really Continue reading

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Movie Review: The Greatest Showman (2017)

This movie will make a great musical and I did enjoy it and I definitely have listened to the soundtrack so much I probably make up 1/3 of the listens. And I will go into what I enjoyed in a bit but I’m gonna go with the negatives first.

First, Hugh Jackman mumble sings and I can’t understand him. He needs Continue reading

Movie Review: Warm Bodies (2013)

Oh yea, opening with a joke about humans basically being zombies walking around on our phones not truly interacting with others and forgetting how to really live. I’m sure the writer definitely deserves to feel good about that über original metaphor. *Sarcastically claps* I hope this isn’t what this movie is because people did a darn good job of getting my hopes up.

Warning: Vague spoilers below that may make you go, ooooooh, that’s what she was talking about in her review if you watch the movie later.

Look, another movie with my definitely not recently remembered future ex-boyfriend Nicholas Hoult whose IMDB page totally didn’t inform my next couple of movies that I picked by random.

I’m not sure what I’m judging against here for his performance but he definitely pulled off zombie Frankenstein teen monster forbidden Romeo or whatever his character influences were. Continue reading

Movie Review: Equals (2015)

How come when I was telling everyone silently in my head through telekinesis that I needed more young pre-final form Beast from X-Men in my life nobody reminded me that IMDB existed and that he was in multiple other movies including this one that came out after I had already forgotten how my type he was? Y’all let me down big time.

This was a solid movie that was tightly written, made me revise my guesses multiple times, and was *through gritted teeth* well cast. You heard me. This futuristic romance of two lovers fighting against…rationalism? efficiency? my dream future utopia? manage the impossible. No, not topple a well-run groupthink best case scenario postapocalyptic societal structure, let’s be reasonable about what two cogs can do. They actually make me care about Kristen Stewart’s character’s feelings. Continue reading

Movie Review: Nerve (2016)

Howdy folks, I’m giving this another go. Most of over half of me hopes nobody actually reads anything I’m writing because it’s scary enough to post something online and the rest of the little bit of me knows that I’m doing this in the least risky way possible under a false name, writing about other peoples’ work, with no consistency or exposure. So here, we go, again, and this time I’m reviewing anything I care to, not just what is new because let’s be honest, my opinion is worth having even if it is two years late 😉

Nerve, aka “Oh, look. I’m not actually dead inside” is my new pushy obsession. As in, the next time it’s my turn to plan a night in for the peeps I’m gonna spin it like board games and a romance but it’s 100% going to be me making them sit in silence, in the dark, unplugged for the whole movie with debate and discussion to follow. You know, fun?

Now I know what you’re thinking, “Dave Franco and Emma Roberts play a popular online game of dare that starts to take a sinister turn”… Continue reading

Movie Review: The 5th Wave

If you were one of the six people who saw The Host then picture that movie with a better premise and worse exposition and characters and you are good. If not stay tuned.

Spoilers below and not like those times I say spoilers and then decide against them. I can’t talk about this movie without explicit plot details. I will try to avoid the major plot twist that if you don’t see coming this must be your first movie so congrats on that and I promise there are better options for you if you decide to give the medium a second chance. Continue reading