The only good thing this movie did was explain how you could do the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs.

We as a fandom may have to face the unfortunate truth that maybe, just maybe, Han Solo is an outdated male icon that doesn’t resonate with the modern audience in the same way. Or that maybe, just maybe, we don’t like Han we like Harrison Ford. Young Solo is emotionally stupid and lacking any of the intangible sexy swagger Harrison Ford lends the character.  And even in this movie, all about him, the most interesting thing about Han is the people he chooses to surround himself with.

Sure, the movie fills in some gaps but I kinda wish those gaps had stayed mysteries since each gap filled felt like a letdown. I’ve spent the majority of my life knowing a Han with a bit of mystique around him and his larger than life mythology.

The good things about this movie? The sassy robot who was definitely not just a stereotyped black woman complete with stereotyped hips. At least the writing for that robot was fine maybe. Donald Glover was a decent Lando but he also has some screen magic that just makes him impossible to not like. Other characters…existed.

Really, the entire movie just felt like they had a list of things Han is supposed to have done or acquired or lost or met and they just threw them in an order and said, that looks like a plot.

Back to Alden Ehrenreich (rolls off the tongue. Did I spell that right? Who knows. Not you, probably not even Google. Let’s be honest, that could be Enrenreich or Erhnreich or Einreich and you’d be like, sure that looks right), the dude was like eating low-sugar vanilla ice cream that has a layer of frozen ice on top when the most  pure french vanilla bean gelato has been the only ice cream in your life. Without Ford we realize Han is just kinda blah and needs a crew of nuts or additional flavors to be worth eating.

Verdict: 2/5 I mean, watch it because it’s canon now but you don’t have to lie and say you enjoyed it