Pilot Review: Fresh Off the Boat

Ladies and gents, I am pleased to inform you that I have a new half hour show to enjoy and moan about if it gets cancelled.

The good:

This show is well written and since it is based on a book we can laugh at another person’s culture and family issues without feeling like terrible people. The humor is delivered beautifully and the writing is trim in a way that still allows for exploration and social commentary without being heavy, serious, preachy, or boring.

The adults are doing a good job in their roles and the mother in particular is legit as all get out.

The bad:

There is no way the show can have a long run life and keep its light, self-deprecating tone.

The child actors are pretty bad. I mean, sure they are children, but there is no need for them to all be squinting instead of emoting and repeating instead of speaking.

Verdict: Give the show a chance. We’ll see how it evolves and grows into itself.

Score: 4/5

Movie Review: Seventh Son (2014)

Have you ever watched Earthsea or Eragon or Stardust and thought, “Man, this is great but I’m getting bogged down by the tight plot and solid back story”? Well then, you are in luck.

Warning: Spoilers (duh)

This is a movie about a guy with a generic guy name that isn’t sexily exotic like Caspian who wanders around with something called a “spook” in a kind of magical world. Watch Caspian transform from guy who can’t throw knives wearing a sweatshirt stoners lust after into a guy who only throws a knife well once while wearing a Ralph Lauren hooded sweater with a bloody stab sploch where the horse used to be.

You can enjoy him as he does amazing things like: Continue reading

Episode Review: Bachelor, Season Chris, Final Word

Listen folks, I wanted to do episode reviews. Frankly, it’s like 98% of the reason for the traffic on this webpage that isn’t from spam. But I can’t. I just don’t care.

I don’t care about him. I didn’t really care that much about him before and I still don’t. Sure, he’s a great guy, a nice guy, a rich guy, a moderately attractive guy. But he’s also so boring. Like a potato. You can throw all kinds of things on a potato but eventually you are just done with the starch.

I don’t care about the girls. Each girl has a cliché drama things that is just falling flat. Like, drama in a can. Each can is a new surprise except sometimes you just end up with two virgins and one who doesn’t shower.

So it is with relief that I let you know that I will not be reviewing the rest of the season. I’ll be back when there is a reverse harem for me to fantasize about.

-Prisma

Episode Review: Bachelor, Season Chris, Episode 4

Guess what? Chris doesn’t get to make the date choices again this week. His sisters do. Yuck. Group Date 1: Let’s do what feels natural…We get to see all the girls do natural makeup and steam their dresses as they prepare to show him what natural, down-to-earth chicks they really are. They get to go swimming in bikinis as each woman decides whether they will take off a top or a bottom and their dignity. Kelsey absolutely hates the date. She doesn’t like the outdoors or bugs or camping. On another note, I think I see myself in Kelsey. Ashley S. is less crazy than before which makes her only mildly insane. Kaitlyn gets the rose though. Ashley I., thinking she is one big mystery of outwards sexuality and inner nerd virgin, goes off and has an awkward conversation with him where she almost but didn’t tell him her big secret. Continue reading

Episode Review: Bachelor, Season Chris, Episode 3

Because we are worried about Chris providing any real scandal or buzz outside of his charm we open with Jimmy Kimmel waking him up and offering him help, telling some jokes, and making a curse word jar for the word “amazing”.

One-on-one #1: Kaitlyn and Chris pull up at Costco Continue reading