Episode Review: Bachelorette, Season Kaitlyn, Week 2

I didn’t do much last week but if you would like first impressions and a list of names just check here. Spoilers darlings.

Let’s get back to a below average looking group of guys (compared to other seasons) who could all, for the most part, do themselves a favor and go back to hair basics. We all know the producers like Chris the charming dentist since they gave him the nickname Chris “Cupcake” which bodes well for a lovely season brought to you by dramatic editing.

We get to see Britt break down in tears on the phone with her mom only to open the door to find Brady waiting to chill with her. Now we all are probably groaning a little and wondering if he looked at his odds and went with the one that made him look best. But let’s pretend not to be so jaded and that maybe they will be annoyingly happy together. They are still dating after a week which is longer than half of the Bachelor couples so good for them.

-First Group Date: Daniel, Justin, Jared, Corey, Tanner, Kupah, Ben H, and Ben Z (I see this ending with a ring)

The guys have to box or something. Continue reading


Episode Review: Bachelorette, Season Kaitlyn, Week 1

We’re back!!!!!!!! I’m reviewing this week pretty late so I’m just going to group both nights together and I’m just going to give color commentary. First, let’s get a few things out-of-the-way. The guys picked Kaitlyn over Britt and I am fine with that. Britt has great initial appeal but Kaitlyn will keep the season from being a soap opera…in theory. But they already told us…Kaitlyn has sex with someone on the season and doesn’t pretend like she didn’t. So buckle up kids.

Let’s meet the men. Continue reading

Episode Review: Bachelor, Season Chris, Final Word

Listen folks, I wanted to do episode reviews. Frankly, it’s like 98% of the reason for the traffic on this webpage that isn’t from spam. But I can’t. I just don’t care.

I don’t care about him. I didn’t really care that much about him before and I still don’t. Sure, he’s a great guy, a nice guy, a rich guy, a moderately attractive guy. But he’s also so boring. Like a potato. You can throw all kinds of things on a potato but eventually you are just done with the starch.

I don’t care about the girls. Each girl has a cliché drama things that is just falling flat. Like, drama in a can. Each can is a new surprise except sometimes you just end up with two virgins and one who doesn’t shower.

So it is with relief that I let you know that I will not be reviewing the rest of the season. I’ll be back when there is a reverse harem for me to fantasize about.


Episode Review: Bachelor, Season Chris, Episode 4

Guess what? Chris doesn’t get to make the date choices again this week. His sisters do. Yuck. Group Date 1: Let’s do what feels natural…We get to see all the girls do natural makeup and steam their dresses as they prepare to show him what natural, down-to-earth chicks they really are. They get to go swimming in bikinis as each woman decides whether they will take off a top or a bottom and their dignity. Kelsey absolutely hates the date. She doesn’t like the outdoors or bugs or camping. On another note, I think I see myself in Kelsey. Ashley S. is less crazy than before which makes her only mildly insane. Kaitlyn gets the rose though. Ashley I., thinking she is one big mystery of outwards sexuality and inner nerd virgin, goes off and has an awkward conversation with him where she almost but didn’t tell him her big secret. Continue reading

Episode Review: Bachelor, Season Chris, Episode 3

Because we are worried about Chris providing any real scandal or buzz outside of his charm we open with Jimmy Kimmel waking him up and offering him help, telling some jokes, and making a curse word jar for the word “amazing”.

One-on-one #1: Kaitlyn and Chris pull up at Costco Continue reading