Oh, this show promises to be just wonderfully terrible and I am thrilled to get to see it.

It opens with a bunch of girls going to London. Of course, the girls are American. First, you can probably easily find 12 girls dumb enough be fooled by this in one shopping mall in America. Second, I assume all British girls grew up memorizing everything about their princes like we here in the States did about whatever guy in whichever boy band you were assigned in your friend group did. And apparently there are different accents in that country of theirs and I assume fake Harry’s accent is not the posh royal one of real Harry. Possibly the difference between redneck and southern gentleman. Or maybe they simply couldn’t use Brits because they would be taken to the tower for treason if they misaddressed a commoner as a royal. These girls aren’t “Bachelor contestant” type. Not a single one seems to have a kid or a dream to help people. And thank goodness. If I had to hear people talk about how important family is to them or how they just can’t wait to be a good parent on another show I might actually go to sleep at a reasonable hour instead of wasting my time. Instead, we get to hear about how important money is, and looks, and being pampered, and looking hot. Which might seem shallow but at least it feels really honest. At least half of the girls say they are smart/intelligent and shockingly some of them cannot walk in heels.

Then we move to a montage of “Harry” learning how to be Harry wrapped up by a verbal quiz and the very dramatic seconds it took for him to remember Harry’s birth date. The correct response was met with what appeared to be the British version of enthusiasm and a, “Very good.” I for one feel completely confident that this man is now capable of navigating the next maze like few week with a googling gaggle of girls (unless Fox thinks the girls might have some common sense and took away all methods of communication). He does have one honest moment I love. Somehow contestants in most shows are brilliant at remembering names. He isn’t and he knows it. “I barely even remember a single name.” Good boy. Just remember what your name is supposed to be and we might all survive.

The most promising part of the pilot is we are told by him multiple times that he REALLY WANTS TO FIND LOVE. Some of these girls actually seem decent. One has a doctorate and one is doing something really sciency sounding. But they are all so young. My goodness. They called the 25-year-old an “oldie”. But really, dude, you don’t have to play this up to us. You are a poor single guy with decent looks who was offered a TV show. Obviously it will only get one season. No one not on the show is going to blame you if you say, “I really just want to be paid to pretend to be rich and a prince and have 12 hot women trying to outsex each other to be with me and then at the end I tell them I am a poor commoner so that there is no chance that I will have to deal with any of the crazies after it is all done.” I have very strong feelings about love. One is that it is bollocks. (Do take note that I will be adopting their lingo at my leisure as I discuss this show.) Another is that I doubt 12 women 25 and younger are ready for it especially if they agree to a dating competition show.

There is some humor. “You kind of look like Prince Harry?” “Really? No one’s ever said that before.” …says the guy intentionally pretending to be Harry. Let’s stop pretending this is about love and let’s laugh at how you are blatantly just exploiting this and making fools out of a bunch of girls that are way more pretty than I am. *laughing conspiratorially with and jabbing fake Harry in the ribs* He is also the master of the compliment sandwich. You caught my eye at first. Please leave. You are so nice.

They did make one mistake in my mind. I think they should have had him unmask in the crown suit with the one chosen girl of the episode. She would love to be the girl “Prince Harry” choose to unmask in front of first. And she would make sure every other girl knew “Prince Harry” had chosen her first. By the end of her telling all the others all about the special privilege nobody would doubt who he was.

I look forward to hanging out with Prince Charming/Sir/Harry/Boyfriend/Master. Here’s to hoping that somewhere on the internet is the actual Prince Harry’s reaction and that it is epic.

Go to my review for the next episode right now!