Episode Review: I Wanna Marry “Harry”, Episode 5

A Pageant for a Prince

See my reviews for episodes 1, 2, 3, and 4.

Well, the Colombia v. Greece game has just ended so I am going to squeeze in a review. Remember folks, this show is now cancelled which means we get to see all the episodes right away. I will try to post reviews for them all as quickly as the World Cup will allow.

Some (most) people criticizing this show mention the fact that Matt looks way less like the actual Prince Harry than the show pretends he does. I think I mentioned this in my review for episode 1 but to firmly address this criticism, that is why they choose ditsy pretty girls from America. Onto my color commentary.

We open with Sir still insisting he is in this because at the end he seriously thinks that the girl he chooses could totally be okay with the lies and deceit and be willing to date and fall in love. Not only does he think a relationship built on nothing but lies can hold up there is also the issue of distance. Moving to England for a prince is one thing. The prince actually has money. Matt is not that well off. I predict that the girl will try the relationship partly because of feelings but mostly because she doesn’t want to look like the most shallow bimbo on TV.

Sir is worried that Kelley wants him because he is supposed to be a prince. Well, duh. Everything about a person matters. If you are a prince (I misspelled it price at first which is kind of telling about my associations) it does factor into how people fit around you. To think that it doesn’t matter if someone is a prince or a plumber is ludicrous. Life changes depending on these things. It is not wrong to dump someone because you thought he was a prince and he wasn’t just like it is not wrong to dump someone because they changed physically. Sir is presenting himself as a potential mate one way and when the girls find out it is a lie then that changes everything. Not only is he not a prince, he is also a liar, a con man, and a TV personality. That makes him a completely different person. I think the fact that Sir thinks this could end in love is, hopefully, a lie or else he is more deceived by the premise of the show than any of the girls.

Kelley and Sir go to a diner to act like a normal couple and he is asked by a plant to take a picture. OMG, Kelley is a childhood cancer survivor. How much of a jerk must Matt feel for flat-out deceiving this girl? She was so happy with the date and all the other girls feel so bad for her. The others put on a good face but they all immediately have ruled her out as actual competition.

The butler tells the biggest lie: “Sir is indeed…his royal highness…Prince Harry…of Wales.” This irks me. I wish they had never actually acknowledged it. Now it makes it way more his fault.

Pageant time:


  • Maggie: Doing her cheer might be the first time I actually looked at this girl with anything but hate. It was cute but it’s obvious she is no professional.
  • Meghan: Tells “jokes”. She admits she has never done stand-up (bodes well) but that she makes herself laugh. It’s kind of endearing. She makes fun of herself, “Tough crowd. I should have worn a low-cut top to distract you.” Goes about as well as it can go all things considered.
  • Kimberly: Plays the “foot piano”. She is so boring I actually forgot she existed.
  • Rose: Dresses up like “the foxy preschool teacher I am” and asks for a volunteer, does some chest compressions and then goes in for the kiss. “And that boys and girls is how you steal a prince’s heart.” Well done, Rose. Well done. Thumbs up for you.
  • Tacky Jackie: Does some sexy dance with a hula hoop. I kind of want to learn how to do that.
  • Karina: Chooses “Sexy Dance”. It’s SUPER EFFECTIVE!
  • Kelley: Square dances in short shorts and a shirt tied under her completely exposed bra. And yet, somehow, she still didn’t have the sex appeal.

Swimsuit. Are you kidding me? Maggie says she doesn’t normally put herself out there but she really has feelings for him. She just know, it’s just that feeling. Well honey, I think most people would make an exception for Prince Harry. Tacky Jackie wins. Boo.

They go to the fair, eat quickly, the butler is dressed ridiculously. Kelley gets a thumbs down even though she had cancer because she is being super annoying. Meghan gets a thumbs up because of proper use of boobs even though I kill her with my mind every time she calls him “Babe”. Maggie gets a surprising thumbs up for not being the most annoying drunk ever like she has been in the past.

Maggie goes home in the first episode I don’t hate her in. Which means Meghan comes out on top. The other girls are going to want her to crumble under the weight of her boobs.

Go to episode 6.



  1. Pingback: Episode Review: I Wanna Marry “Harry”, Episode 4 | Under the Dark Moon

  2. Pingback: Episode Review: I Wanna Marry “Harry”, Episode 6 | Under the Dark Moon

  3. Pingback: Episode Review: I Wanna Marry “Harry”, Episode 7 | Under the Dark Moon

  4. Pingback: Episode Review: I Wanna Marry “Harry”, Episode 8 | Under the Dark Moon

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