See the review for episode 1.

I know this is a week late. I just really didn’t feel like watching it.

“Competing for the Crown”

We see some upcoming clips and he cries at least once which is exciting. A bunch of girls are shown and I can’t remember a single one of their names. This should be a quality review y’all.

They all sit around being the best sort of catty about the first impression girl getting some alone time with “Harry”.  A lot of them are older than he is.

I’m kind of impressed with how coy the fake “Harry” is. He gives non-answers to questions like a pro. “Do you ride in helicopters a lot?” “Now and again.” As in right now and yesterday and maybe tomorrow. He has a devious side to him that we see as he plots to get them to guess who he is supposed to be without ever actually saying anything directly. He “trips up” and has “emergencies”. Rose, on the other hand, thinks she is being so subtle but she is about as good at subterfuge as I am at holding my tongue when I have an opinion. She is an idiot and does exactly what he hopes she will by spreading gossip.

Aside: How many of these girls are going to threaten to sue? Fake Harry says his biggest fear is that once the girls find out the truth they will just walk away from him. It really should be social exile in his homeland and litigation. I would love to see a copy of their contracts.

They play cricket. Rose gets to pick who plays. She makes people mad. “We are all nice girls,” she says. Fie on you says Andrea. We get to see fake Harry dress preppy which is a plus. I adore a well dressed man. They are literally letting the clothing make the man.

I think I might like the half-Mexican, half-Irish girl. Her skirt is adorable at least and her skin tone seems nice. Maggie, on the other hand, looks like she fake-n-bakes a lot. (Even though I go tanning occasionally I can still judge since I am not on national television competing for the heart of someone I think is royalty.) I also think I like Kelley.

I do not like Andrea at all. WHY IS SHE CRYING! It isn’t even week 2, it is day 2. Oh, that’s right. She never loses and she got kicked off 2nd. Except 1st runner-up, as she keeps reminding us she always comes in for every pageant she has done in the past few years, is the first loser as well sweetie. Say all you want about how gingers with bad teeth aren’t your type.

Fake Harry says he doesn’t know if the girls are interested in getting to know him because they think he might be a prince or because they like him for him. Commence audience-wide eye roll. Come on man. I told you last episode. We have absolutely no expectations for you when it comes to the true love element of this dating show.

Rose manages to put on a good act when she has to pass the crown suite on to Kimberly. Some people might call her fake but I respect her for being such a good sport. She might stab her in the back later but I am going to give her the benefit of the doubt for now and give her a thumbs up for that ladylike display. Kimberly is surprised at getting the suite because she “doesn’t even win at bingo.” She gets a thumbs up as well.

Maggie gets wasted clenching a thumbs down from me. All the girls trying to help her sober up and calm down get positive impressions from me, Anna Lisa especially for knowing how to sober a friend up with kind suggestions of water and food and sitting. Karina gets a thumbs up for being chill and taking the friendships in stride when they get eliminated and not being in the middle of the brewing drama. Jacqueline already had a thumbs down but now it is double for not realizing that they were trying to help Maggie. She is trashy as all get out.

The sneak peek at the next episode has me giving Jacqueline another thumbs down and Megan a big thumbs up and I haven’t even watched it yet. The convo goes:

J: You’re constantly judging people.

M: When you are making an a** out of yourself of course I am going to be judging you.

Remember friends, it is okay to judge people when they deserve it and these girls are getting a paid vacation for us to do just that. Cheers to drama!

My review for episode 3 is also going to go up tonight and I promise to be on top of it from here on out.