See my review for episode 1, episode 2, and episode 3.

Part 2 of the drama. Let’s go to exotic Connecticut.

First 1-on-1: It’s Dylan. Do you guys call B.S. when the guy or girl who gets the date says that the activity is “awesome” when it is just a lame train? But my goodness…he does something we don’t hear a lot of. HE ASKED ANDI ABOUT STUFF like HER longest relationship. He did a good job carrying the conversation. HOLY…He is 26. He looks old. Have you noticed how many younger guys are on this season.

Folks, I was determined to be unimpressed by him and while I don’t see the chemistry I can’t help but regret my initial judgement.

Group Date: There is absolutely no way this is going to go horribly wrong. JJ wears a button up because…? And his shirt actually says “Jj” but I will cut him some slack because apparently he does clothing for a living. Andi wears some high-heeled sneakers that I kind of really want.

Is anyone surprised that the coach is naturally allowed to take over his team “Rosebuds” or that the personal trainer is into this competition? And “Five of Hearts” is obviously not supposed to be the natural shoo-in for winning. It’s Pants, Farmer, and Tasos for goodness sakes. And this isn’t an underdog story. Luckily a lot of her favorites are in that group. At least they get beer.

Marquel talks trash about cereal for some reason and now I really want Honey Comb, and Captain Crunch, and Lucky Charms, and Reese Puffs, and diabetes.

Mini-Group Date: Andi had to pull teeth with Eric. End of story. I think I would rather take lessons from Brian than kiss him. He was more amazed at his game on the court than at his appalling lack of game with the girl.

Have we just decided that Andrew is not going to get any 1-on-1 screen time with Andi? Can we not learn anything about him? It’s like he isn’t really a bad person so we can’t let him talk at all or the entire drama falls apart.

Josh’s teeth are amazing. He is the Andi of this season. Makes a great impression in spite of not have a 1-on-1 yet.

Second 1-on-1: Marcus and Andi go “do heights” which both of them seem to hate. I was waiting for this. Normally they seem to do this date in episode 1 to jump-start the romance. Put two people in a scary situation and they mistake the adrenaline and heightened senses for sexual attraction. And poor Marcus, she lets him go off first and talk her through it. “Trust yourself” he says but I am questioning whether that is the best idea since “yourself” requested the date in the first place. Marcus is apparently a natural at this. He makes small talk to walk Andi down the building.

Side notes: Patrick might be the Kelly of this season unfortunately.

If I was the Bachelorette I would never do this date. Instead, I would supplement a real life existing as a couple skills date. We are going to watch a movie in my den. Can you figure out which remote does what? Do you know which game systems play DVDs when we realize the player is broken? Can you cook popcorn that isn’t in a bag because I have the munchies but no microwaveable options? Did you look for the expiration date on the butter? Why did you just use sea salt? Can we find a comfortable snuggling position that doesn’t put at least one of our arms or legs to sleep? Do you mind subtitles? Will you get mad at me if I chatter about fun facts, plot holes, and what ifs? Can you stomach a romantic comedy with little substance and good-looking men that I will without a doubt objectify? Do you mind that I didn’t shave my legs today and that I didn’t cry when the cancer patient/dog/grandparent that always believed dies? These are the really important things people.

The Love Letter: Is a waste. Either sign it or don’t write it.

Tasos gets blocked which is okay because we know he wasn’t going to be the one and I don’t actually want to see him hurt because he seems nice. Brian admits he messed up and kisses her. I don’t like Marquel at all anymore. At least he isn’t painful to look at this episode choosing a subdued color palate and losing the patterns.

Eric misspeaks in my mind. He says he will tell her whatever she needs to hear and all he needs is feedback from her. No, he needs to ask her questions and listen to her answers. And if he wants the real Andi maybe he needs to not bash her by calling her an actress and ask her something about herself, anything. Who doesn’t act a little bit in the beginning of a relationship?

Apparently, we will make a dead guy look bad on national television. And then not let me have any Andrew drama this episode to get all P.C. We could have at least seen Tasos get eliminated and say goodbye. He deserved his last minutes to show us what type of eliminee he is. I bet he was a great sport that showed ability to feel as well as the desire to see others happy and I will never know because we have to backtrack with Eric. If we were going to do that then why did we not just edit the goodbye to be more positive? I’m irked.

At least we end with a teaser of the Andrew drama they ignored for the entire episode.

Update: Episode 6 shows the Tasos elimination and pretty much nothing else. Or skip the recap episode and skip straight to France in episode 5.