See my review for episode 1.

“Who is ready to see some half-naked men?” This is going to be a great episode.

Date card 1: Eric gets a 1-on-1. Let’s be honest. The guy is dead so there is absolutely no way they are going to edit the show to make him out to be anything but amazing. But even if they didn’t have the whole “last moments of a man’s life” thing to deal with he seems legit. Remember, this is the guy with the job of “explorer.” His life gives him an advantage. There was no awkward first date silence, the guy is one amazing story after another. He isn’t like that one person at work that just got back from a guided tour of Rome and thinks they can do an accent. This guy is the real deal.

They build a sandcastle and he comes up with the adorable line, “We’ve already built our first home together.” And then he does an actual back flip. But it is obvious that he doesn’t win. First, he dies and well…we like being entertained by the problems of others but finding “true love” and then losing it and only having the show to watch over and over, seeing your relationship blossom, possibly being proposed to, having to do the “Men tell all” and “After the rose” segments…well that would be a little too brutal.

Then they snowboard and Eric further enforces the trust my inner fan girl has placed in him by being good at everything. I kind of feel like I’m crushing on a red shirt but I just can’t help it. They do little cutaways and Eric pretends to be nervous about whether he will get the rose or not. (I don’t believe for one moment that he actually didn’t know how much he charmed her.)

Date 2: We take advantage of the fact that Andi has some of the tastiest men on her season with some “baring”. Stripping for charity. We should make this a standard thing in every city.

I hate Craig and I think they want me to hate Craig so that’s a good thing. He stuffs his costume for goodness sakes. I like Marcus and I think I am supposed to like Marcus. He was adorable with his nerves and his conservativeness. He reminds me of Drew from a past season and a guy I knew in college who is now in the seminary. No mixed signals with the editing team this episode. Josh M. actually won some approval from me with his chair dance in his decently fitting sweatpants. Sharleen and Kelly are there which is cool. I identify with Sharleen and Kelly’s profession last season was “dog lover” so she probably needs something to do. I could overlook my aversion to tattoos for Patrick. I will agree with Andi, some of the DID look like they had worked it before. I wonder how many former frat stars she has in her house.

Now what I am confused about is her clothing this episode. I don’t remember every episode she wore last season but she is more scandalous than I remember her being. She wore a bikini with Eric and she only wore a one piece with Juan and she was competing then. And the dress for the group date is mesmerizing. How does she expect the guys to dig deep if she lets her decolletage be so immaculately displayed. Her rose ceremony is the scantiest of them all. It’s a good thing nobody needs to pin anything on her because that would be awkward at best. Not that I think her wardrobe is a bad thing. Just one more thing reminding me that I am not a desirable woman with a reverse harem situation going on.

Second 1-on-1: The farmer, unfortunately. His hair kills me. His smile is dorky in a bad way. He shouldn’t wear pastels. And for some reason Andi is attracted to him. Listening to old people talk about how easy it is to stay together for ever makes me skeptical. You guys didn’t have the CW to show you what men could look like. And you guys didn’t live in a society that was so set on true love and no cheating. (Are you shocked to find out that I would never require absolute fidelity in a guy?) This might be really mean but he reminds me of a sack of potatoes.

Rose ceremony: WHO IS THE GUY IN THE GLASSES!? We already have guys thinking the “L” word and guys crying. It is week 2 and you maybe chatted with her for a little bit.

In my heart: Josh M. (which is a leap from last episode) with his rambling and his laughing and going in for the kiss, Patrick even though I am getting a Kalon vibe from him (I was a sucker for Kalon), Eric, JJ who reminds me of a lot of guys I went to college with (Smart, possibly fratty, wearing what look like island shorts), Andrew, Marcus, Nick V. (who I think I hated last episode) really stepped up with his little “date card” gimmick

Friend zone (guys that we will be seeing until they are sacrificed to keep controversy and top picks in the game):  opera singer who looks like he is about to cry in the rose ceremony (and let’s be honest, he doesn’t seem to really have that big of a voice. You can actually maybe trust me on this, I am an opera snob.), lamp guy, Tasos, Marquel like for goodness sakes what in the world are you wearing?! The plaid tablecloth shirt was bad enough.

Needs to leave: Cody, I don’t know why but I just don’t like him. He could be a great person but that doesn’t seem to matter one lick to my head.

Guys I would have given more of a chance to: The guy in the glasses..CARL! His name is Carl.

Now y’all might be asking, “Prisma, this aired last night. Why the delay?” I don’t have a TV. I have a laptop and Hulu and a high tolerance for spoilers.

Go straight to my review for episode 3.