View my opinions on all the previous episodes. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, and 8 as well as that filler episode.

Final 3 in the Dominican Republic.

If you feel like you need to pause watching to make food or clean or something just know you are probably pretty safe skipping through the first segment and starting after the commercial break. It is basically her crying, her talking about her uncertainty, and a recap of her relationship with the men.

First Date: Nick

She is worried because his version of his past relationships and his family’s version are different. He wants to tell her he loves her. I just want her dress. They really should publish the clothing list for shows so that I can get all the pretty things.

Andi says “It’s kind of an adult romance with Nick.” She feels that he is really passionate. I’m just like, waaaaaat?

She tries to pry his relationship history from him. He rambles (and he knows he did). And at the end I just don’t feel any emotion from him. But are we shocked that he is reticent and a little (lot) awkward in this dating situation? I would be gone the first night for lightly punching the Bachelor in the arm, referencing South Park, and calling him dude all while laughing nervously.

Nick did “what any 33yo from the Midwest would do.” He wrote a fairytale with pictures and everything. This is too much. It’s past cheesy. It has extra blank pages at the end for their future. And it sets him up perfectly to say, “I love you.” But he doesn’t. It’s like his timing just fell apart. He has to actively create the moment. I can’t decide whether he is awkwardly endearing or just a douche.

Second Date: Josh

They have a cute little day together. He shows a bunch of good sides. At dinner they revisit her initial fears with him possibly being a cocky athlete. Their dinner seems to be talking about their faults and issues with each other and then being completely okay.

Make a note that this is the second time this episode that the man has stressed the fact that the Fantasy Suite would be used for talking all night. I wonder if they are trying to improve the idea of three overnights in a row. Like having people assume you slept with three different guys in three nights on national television is a bad thing or something.

Third Date: Chris formerly Potato

Andi is worried her relationship with Chris is not far enough for them to spend the night together. That’s like a death sentence.

She says she was uncomfortable on the horse but I think the entire date was awkward. They don’t have the chemistry. We see them talking more than the other two guys combined. And they don’t start making out every time they face each other.

Their entire date was lilting. If they weren’t talking about the past, or comparing the present to Iowa, they were talking about Iowa as a future. Which they need to talk about. But at this point she isn’t there with him.

And that is sad. He is so upfront about this. He knows that it would be difficult for her. He says that she wouldn’t be alone.

But she is worried that she might think that she could live in Iowa now and come to realize that she can’t in the future after she has hurt so many people.

She cries and talks around the issue when she really just wants to walk away from him because the decision is too hard and the risk is too big. I don’t blame her for running away from a great guy because of how uncertain the future would be for her. She is being realistic and I like realistic. But she is a lawyer and should know how to make a clear and concise point. And that point is that she doesn’t feel it enough to keep him any longer. It has to be hard and I guess she does a good enough job.

But she doesn’t make it easy for him. She knew earlier, in her gut she knew she was going to do this. And she gives him so many compliments. She listens to his feelings. She cries making it impossible for him, as the great guy he seems to be, to react catharticly. She puts herself down so he has to give her compliments and tell her it’s okay and she did the right thing when he really just wants to yell, “Don’t be stupid! Pick me you fool!”

Poor Potato. But the unfortunate part of it is I can’t blame her in the least for knowing herself well enough to know that she couldn’t get where she would need to be in order to believe in Iowa.

Unless you like looking at Chris Harrison you can probably just stop after that. She does go forward with the Rose Ceremony because she wants to give them the chance to back out. It goes both ways and she acknowledges that she shouldn’t call all the shots and hold all the cards going into the final stage. And they half-heartedly attempt to make us think that one of them might say no.

I doubt the guys didn’t know that Chris was gone already. They live together for heaven’s sakes.

And in case you’re worried, and if you were you might be gullible, they both accepted her rose.

Quote of the show: From Josh, “She’s gonna be Andi Murr(a?)y. Got a nice ring to it.” Tehehe.

Next episode the men tell all. They try to build up the Andrew drama that kind-of-but-not-really-ever happened. Goody. Read about it now here. Or just skip to the “dramatic” season finale here.