See my reviews for episode 1 and episode 2.

aka: The episode we already kind of know the main events for because the “coming up next episode” segment gave us pretty good spoilers. 1 of 2.

If you are looking for spoilers this is probably not the best place. I’m not going to give projections. Google Reality Steve. He has every elimination until the end with details and pictures. The dude has proven himself as a source. I’m not even going to try to play in his arena. What you will get here is my own, often catty, opinions.

First 1-on-1 date: Nick (first impression rose) scores some points with me right off because he says, “I don’t know her and she doesn’t know me…what are the chances this is going to work out…but you never know.” Nothing earns my respect faster than having a clear view of reality, especially when guys are already thinking the word love and crying at elimination. Play a game with him: close your eyes when he talks. Do you see him pushing glasses up on his nose and wearing sweater vests? Lucky for him it comes off endearing awkward because he is decent looking.

Group Date: You would think putting the opera singer on a singing group date would be foul play but, and I am repeating my point from last week, he isn’t really that good in his genre.

Patrick wins brownie points. He really looks, almost, like a complete tool but he does get excited and run up to her to give her the first hug of the day which made me grin like the romantic school girl I pretend I never was. Later on in the episode before the rose ceremony he uses an actual handkerchief to wipe his brow and a little bit of me swooned.

Josh M. wins a little more of my attention for making fun of Bradley with a pretty decent impression.

Golly gee willikers (sp?) can these men really not sing. As Boys II Men put it, ” You got maybe two that can carry a tune,” “Carry it into the water to drown it.” It’s a good thing I’m musical enough that my fantasy children with these men should be safe from a terrible fate. Apparently one thing Eric can’t do is sing perfectly.

Tasos actually has a personality this group date and is kind of funny. Too bad he has as much of a chance as that mushroom farmer on Emily’s season. Did you forget there was such a man? My point exactly.

I am excited to see all the guys dressed up in matching shirts. It makes me think of the good ol boy a cappella group at my alma mater. Except Cody. He needs to not wear hats…or be on the show anymore. And they sound so bad. The subtitles told me the lyrics were [off-key] and I was all like…yo, subtitles, I got this, take a break from being obvious while I school these suckers. Did you notice Andrew and Patrick being all buddy buddy? Were they the bromance (apparently the spell check thinks this is not a word. Which is surprising since this is the internet.)  from episode 1? I forget. I do know I haven’t heard such a terrible male group performance since a long ago hell week in a frat basement my senior year.

Has Marcus never seen this show? He thinks that because he kissed her and it was good for him that he should be in a good place to get the group date rose because what they just had was special. He is kind of looking little boyish to me right now y’all and it is dropping him in my personal rankings. And Josh totally stole that. Anytime now he and Andi will start to play the “Would you still love me if…” game.

Second 1-on-1: It’s JJ! I had high hopes for him in spite of having no clue nor actual desire to know what he does for a living. He is cute and tall but I am worried that his job means that he wouldn’t let me throw out those horrid pants he wore on the date. It might have to be over for him and me. The date is cute. He is nice and fun and goofy. He can stay I guess.

Ron leaves which is sad but not as sad as the guys are pretending it is to them. A great guy just took himself out of the running and while you might miss hanging you are all thinking, one less eliminated at the rose ceremony. Dylan is not a favorite of mine. Look, I’m sorry you have had problems in your life but I don’t want to hear your sob story and it shouldn’t be what you want your 1-on-1 for.

Poor Eric and the flowers. But bravo to Nick for saying, forget you guys I’m going for the girl.

I am super impressed by how Josh and JJ handled the Andrew situation. It hurts me to see such an attractive man be made to look bad on TV (I still find ways to argue for Kalon). But it was well done. You hear something. You get advice from one person you trust has the same priorities (Andi’s feelings) as you. And then you come right out and ask to discuss it in a private place, in a non-accusing way. They use good wording, “to me”, “I”, “we wanted to hear it from you”. They give him the chance to talk without immediately putting him on the defensive. I could see good ways out of this. “I was stupid and drunk and I will tell her and apologize” works. He doesn’t even try. He just walks away with his cute little condescending smirk and his “they see me as a threat” line is so not sexy. But “I was handed a phone number” makes a whole lot of sense. Just look at him.

Aside: Rule of thumb if you are ever on this show. The Bachelor never wants to hear about the drama in the house. He doesn’t care who is a hot mess and who is catty. You will gain more ground kissing him really well than being “that girl”. The Bachelorette will take it out on you if you do not tell her. Remember how upset Emily got with Arie because she trusted him and he didn’t tell her about Kalon? And Arie was all confused like, I TRUSTED YOU TO MAKE THE RIGHT CHOICES ON YOUR OWN BECAUSE I KNOW YOU ARE SMART AND A GOOD JUDGE OF CHARACTER (haha)! And she still gave him a hard time for it? If you are on the Bachelorette, be politic, but bros before hoes does not apply if you want to win.

Opera and lamp guy go home. Opera cries and looses what little charm he still had for me. Farmer and Cory are still there. Andrew stays, and let’s be honest, we want to see the drama go down next episode. Luckily, we don’t have to wait because it will be on Hulu for me tomorrow!

Go to my review for episode 4 now!