Episode Review: Bachelor, Season Chris, Episode 1

It’s baaaaaack! And so is my color commentary. Buckle in and get ready for a boot tootin craaaazy ride. It’s time for “Prince Farming” (their nickname not mine, mine was potato) to find true love…bawhahahahaha. At least we are promised scandal and girls selling their souls to create drama and intrigue. After all, who doesn’t want the farming boy worth way more than all the farmers I’ve ever met pooled together?

Blah blah blah old cast members blah true love blah meet the girls blah blah hints of crazy. Some of the intros were so awful and sappy and cringey.

Open on Chris. Continue reading

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Episode Review: Bachelor in Paradise, Week 6

Don’t skip to the last chapter in this book! Catch up on episodes 1, 2, 3, 4.1, 4.2, and 5. We start with 6 couples (In order of most real seeming and least real seeming)

  • Marcus and Lacy whom I will be referring to as Macy
  • Sarah and Robert
  • Michelle and Cody
  • Zack and Jackie
  • AshLee and Graham
  • Christy and Tasos

The couples are threatened with a test. They have to have a chat about the real world. Can they survive after the show as a couple? If not then they will have to break up and leave. They split up by gender and start discussing things and Michelle decides that Graham needs to dump AshLee. Michelle runs off to tell him as much and AshLee thinks she is going to talk to him about Cody because her best friend couldn’t possibly have any issues with the perfect couple in the house. Delusional, crazy chick. Continue reading

Episode Review: Bachelor in Paradise, Week 5

Not the episode you wanted to start with? Here are episodes 1, 2, 3, 4.1, 4.2. Enjoy!

It’s ladies choice! What we start with

  • Robert and Sarah as still playing couple.
  • Graham keeps AshLee.
  • Cody picks Michelle and she agrees even though she is slamming on the breaks in their relationship.
  • Macy, or Marcus and Lacy, are going strong.
  • Zack and Jackie pair up.
  • Jesse and Christy remember each other’s names.

New Arrivals

  • Brooks, Des’s Season
  • Tasos, Andi’s Season

Date 1: Marcus gets to “Choose a Lacy” for his date. Marcus has told her that he both loves her and is in love with her but Continue reading

Episode Review: Bachelor in Paradise, Week 4 Part 2

Look back on our journey thus far and see why something has to happen this episode for the Bachelor franchise not to become a complete tease. Episode 1, episode 2, episode 3, episode 4 part 1

We ended last night with Marcus and Lacy and Clare and Zack firmly committed to each other. AshLee calls Graham who walks off and is followed by Michelle. What will happen? Hopefully something with the ambulance they keep showing.

We saw AshLee let her crazy get out of control and basically called Clare a w**** to Zack’s face. And you don’t mess with Clare because she will calmly and firmly shut you down, take away your soapbox, and stand smugly looking on as your man debates whether he would rather be eliminated than have to deal with you anymore…apparently. But AshLee isn’t the only one who should look bad in this situation. Michelle, already on my dislike list because of her self-pity and defeatist mentality, decided that Graham had to know about the situation.

We return to see Graham getting dizzy with the emotional stress. Continue reading

Episode Review: Bachelor in Paradise, Week 4 Part 1

Wanna know everything about the previous episodes before tackling this two night special? Read my recaps of episode 1, episode 2, and episode 3 now.

They are promising unexpected romance and crazy drama. Here is what we are working with.

  • Lacy and Marcus are still an item.
  • AshLee and Graham are due for some trauma. (Originally I meant to type drama but this seems more appropriate.)
  • Zack is still with Clare.
  • Marquel moved on to Jackie.
  • Robert and Sarah are still pretending to be each others first choice.
  • And Michelle is solo.

(Update on Chris and Elise. Continue reading

Episode Review: Bachelor in Paradise, Week 3

Got a few minutes and want to catch up on the first two episodes of the season? Look at my recaps for episode 1 and episode 2.

What true love parings do we get to see ripped apart from last episode?

  • Lacy chose Marcus.
  • AshLee kept her claws in Graham which is flattering, humbling, and awesome if maybe a little intense to him.
  • Clare got some action from Zack.
  • Michelle stayed with Marquel.
  • Chris agreed to be Elise’s second choice. And now he gets to stick around to rack up his Bachelor universe number for at least one more episode because it’s guys choice this week.
  • Sarah snatched up Robert.

New Arrivals

  • Danielle, Juan Paublo’s Season (I always thought she had a naturally sweet face. Like, if she wasn’t wearing makeup I think we would easily recognize her and think she was just as adorable.)
  • Jackie, Sean’s Season (I was a big fan of her as a person on Sean’s season.)

Date 1 Continue reading

Episode Review: Bachelorette, Season Andi, The Men Tell All

Wanna know what they are telling about? See my reviews for episodes 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, and the pointless recap 4 episodes in.

Andi holds the record for getting the most “I love yous” out of the guys. A former Bachelorette is pregnant and we get to find out the gender. We see a preview for Bachelor in Paradise which looks like it has the drama of the Bachelor without the love and the backstabbing of the Bachelor Pad without the competition. Chris is on it so we should really buy into the love aspect. I’m tempted. We see handcuffs and ambulances.

But finally we wade through their shameless self promoting to the real reason we all tuned in, exploitation of potential racism for the benefit of FOX. And guess what? All the guys are all wearing scarves. Some of them know how to drape it a little too well and some, I’m looking at you Potato, make it painfully obvious that they are just wearing scarves for the group. Continue reading