Let’s recap the couples from the end of the last episode.

 

• Marquel and Michelle are a mutual match.
• Dylan and Elise are also a mutual match.
• Graham and AshLee are technically a mutual match but Graham didn’t have much of a choice as AshLee is doing a fine job of manipulating him.
• Marcus chose Lacy but she had a thing with Robert as well so…
• Robert saved Clare who is probably just a friend.
• Ben chose Sarah and both were “meh okay” about it.

New Arrivals

• Chris, Emily’s Season and Bachelor filming stalker
• Zack, Desiree’s Season (who is way hotter than I remember him being)

We open on this episode with Michelle K.’s drama.

Apparently she struck up a romance with a crew member at the hotel before going to the island. We get a fun reenactment of the fateful night they got caught. Her beau jumped off the balcony outside her room and wrecked his legs. So that’s fun. Hopefully that’s the last we hear of her.

First Date: Chris takes Clare to a spa where something could have happened but didn’t really. Chris gives a nice speech about how he is growing as a person. And then he compliments her a lot. But if you have seen much of Chris in action you know he is in good form.

Second Date: Marcus takes Lacy to dinner. She asks him about Andi and he turns it into a compliment session.

Third Date: Zack takes Clare who is already his friend. But this isn’t the same type of friendship she has with Robert. If Clare feels it with Zack she would definitely pursue him and her friendship and debt to Robert wouldn’t stand a chance. And they are definitely into each other by the end of the date.

Fourth Date: Dylan asks Sarah on the date and not Elise who has dressed for it and was waiting for him to ask her. Sarah does herself credit by asking Dylan for his reasons and tells him she needs some time to think it over. She goes straight to Elise to talk about it. Sarah isn’t in a position to be eliminated and Elise is her “friend” so it was a smart move on her part. Dylan flatters Sarah a bunch. He tells her she is gorgeous and great to talk to.

We learn the term YOPO or You Only Paradise Once.

Drama 1: Dylan tries to politically tell Elise that he would like for them both to explore other options to make sure they are putting their efforts into the right person. Elise goes right to Chris to “get Dylan in line”. They make out in the ocean in the dark. (Actually, the clothing seems to come off so we can only speculate.) Apparently I need to make out with a guy in the dark ocean because it seems to be the “it” place. Clare saw and if her chemistry with Zack hadn’t already ruled Chris out for her this did.

Elise lies to Dylan and says she wasn’t doing it to get a reaction from him. He says meeting other people doesn’t have to involve a kiss and he flat-out told Elise not to give him a rose at the rose ceremony. Elise is in denial though and feels that this is a sign that he does love her. He tells Marcus that it just wasn’t going to work out. Elise tells the girls that he is just scared and that they just need to focus on the future together because “now both of us know we really love each other”.

She rationalizes Dylan going on the date with Sarah as a good thing because Sarah is her friend and she trusts her friend to look out for her and Dylan choosing her friend is him safeguarding her feelings because she knows he couldn’t feel anything for Sarah. Poor, scary Elise is so confused. “How did we go from so good to so bad?” I don’t know, how about when he told you to look around to make sure he was the right one and you ate Chris’s face.

Run Dylan.

Drama 2: Ben has a love letter from a girl with him. Marcus says he accidentally spilt water on Ben’s backpack and found the note cleaning up which sounds a little contrived but that isn’t the part that matters. At least Marcus confers with a trusted friend, Marquel, and then they go directly to ask Ben about the situation.

Marcus takes Ben aside because he doesn’t want to put him in a bad situation with the others if he doesn’t need to. Marquel, on the other hand, creates drama by telling Clare what was going on. She, of course, brings the rest of them into the discussion. While the truth should have been known and Ben does choose to leave I don’t think it was best done through whispers and with drunk emotions. But then again, this is the Bachelor franchise and between editing and exploited opportunities we should expect way worse, and more enjoyable, than this.

Cocktail Party: Michelle says off the bat that her rose belongs to Marquel. He says he is attracted to her but he is worried about her drinking. She does not take that well. And Robert swoops in looking “like a Ken doll”. He soothes her hurt feelings and she lets herself feel swayed showing just how new and weak these relationships are.

Dylan confirms to Sarah that if Elise were to give her his rose he wouldn’t accept it because that would signal the fact that they were still going to be together. He took Elise aside for what she thinks is going to be a chat about becoming exclusive. Instead he calls her a friend and tells her to go with Chris because he doesn’t want her. The girl is deluded if she actually thinks he was sending mixed signals.

Rose Ceremony:

• Lacy give the rose to Marcus.
• AshLee give the rose to Graham.
• Clare give the rose to Zack.
• Michelle is the first real question mark but she does stay true to Marquel crushing Robert’s hopes.
• Elise offers the rose to Dylan but he says he can’t accept it. She thanks Dylan in a really awkward, passive aggressive speech and then offers the rose to Chris who swallows his pride and takes it.
• Sarah chooses to go with Robert. This is a smart choice. While she might have felt something with Dylan she doesn’t feel enough to be the source of the waves she would have created among the girls. And Robert is hot so it’s not like she is losing out.
• Dylan has to leave but doesn’t regret his choices this week.

Lessons Learned:

• Physical contact (small touches, not just kissing) does wonders for improving connections and impressions.
• If you are on a show like this, make sure to romance away from the others’ line of sight to keep options open and relationships healthy.
• If you sign up for a show like this expect to be manipulated, exploited, and edited into the weakest of people or the most hated of villains.

People who cried: Elise, Michelle

Read about the big player who fizzles out and the crazy that makes the biggest move yet in my recap of episode 3.