I will admit it. I am a sucker for the Bachelor/Bachelorette. I can think of very few other things I want playing in the background as I clean or write or work. I eat up the drama. And the good-looking people sure help. This first episode was everything it needed to be.

1. Andi: She is awesome. She is so much prettier than I am and so successful but I feel like she might be nice to me if she couldn’t find a charmingly polite way to disengage herself from my company. She is fit but her arms aren’t obnoxiously toned because she is a real person and no matter what you tell me I will think no ill of her until television twists something and gives me no choice.

2. The men: My goodness…the men. The past few seasons I have found some of the men attractive but not like this season. The first episode was like a room of the men I would describe to one of my gal pals as “my type”. They dressed well. I’m a sucker for a well cut suit and a guy who pulls off a bow tie earns more than a cursory glance from me. (Not hipster bow tie wearing mind you. I want to look at the bow tie and assume you are a good and proper southern man.) Some of them even had jobs that screamed “trust fund.”

Tangent time: Trust fund is a glorious phrase. First, it literally starts with trust. Like, trust me, I won’t ever tell you that if we have love we can be poor and happy. Or trust me, I might not always be happy but at least I am warm and fed and distracted. Second, the word fund. That means money. I like money. Also, fund has “fun” in it and I love forcing stupid connections to justify things I say before thinking them through completely.

3. The drama: It has already started. Chris came back for a second and made a wonderful showing playing the role of incredibly insincere guy who got a taste of fame and will milk it for all it is worth. We have a pair of guys that bonded over cars or something. I’m hoping they end up together. That would be swell.

Now I will give random opinions on people I do not know and have no right to judge.

• The farmer seems nice but I’m not buying him as a long-term option. He isn’t the most attractive of the bunch and he is a farmer. Glam gal Andi isn’t meant to be a farmer’s wife.
• The guy from Texas has enchanted me with his eyes.
• I am super proud of her for getting rid of all three guys with long hair. The doctor would look so much better without the long hair. I swear he straightens it.
• The opera singer is going to be crushed way more than is warranted by a short-term TV romance when she lets him go. And she will. I have pegged him as the guy they keep around in case she can’t choose between the men she is actually considering and need someone to cry in the episode still.
• Some of them are really funny. The route 1 Iceland chat at the very end is promising. Sarcastic humor coming out of kissable lips.

And here is the part that I admit to how dark I can really be. I am watching a show about an incredibly likable woman and a flock of well-groomed, impeccably dressed, potentially intelligent, hopefully well to do, gentlemen (until proven not so) that want her and never me. So I got a deep thrill to see the “coming up this season” part. There are dramatic clips of her disparaging the idea of a happily ever after. She seems to give up on love being real. I don’t wish her pain but I love disenchantment. And while I assume this is just a ploy for ratings or viewership or social media attention or all of the above it promises to be a divine season.

Next episode review