Episode Review: Bachelorette, Season Andi, Episode 5

The one we skipped to see highlights. If you want spoilers just go Google Reality Steve and see what he has to say. He has pictures to back him up. If you want color commentary, read on.

If you want to look at my previous comments see episodes 1, 2, 3, 4, and filler.

Okay, this is the episode people. We finally get some Andrew drama. Not the drama we have been waiting for but at least something. Let’s go to France. Want to know what I know about France? They will be hosting the 2016 EuroCup. What else? They are still in the World Cup…and not Spain. Don’t be surprised if I am a little bitter tonight. Also, this is a day late from the Hulu posting date. I’m sorry.

Josh finally gets a 1-on-1. (Chris Harrison wears a terrible turtleneck under a blazer btw) They walk around a little and then cuddle up on a sailboat. Andi says he is physically the athletic type she always goes for (he brags that he was a 2nd round pick in baseball). Well, there is definitely a physical side to their relationship. She says she chalked up the cheating in past relationships to the guys being athletes. Remember girl, Josh quit being an athlete so he could have a family. Apparently, Josh has been cheated on. It’s like they are meant to be. That story exchange heaves him over the hesitation hump she had. They get a private concert because why not. That seems to be a fairly safe fallback date for the show.

Andrew, Marquel, Cody, and Patrick haven’t been on 1-on-1’s and haven’t kissed her. At this point we should know to expect the worst for them.

First off, if Andrew really said “She’s keeping the Blackies”…why the hell would he think JJ was a good choice? Didn’t he see the pants JJ wore? JJ screams not bro. Second, don’t bring it up now! Just because you don’t like him doesn’t mean you sick Marquel onto him. I’m going to side with Andrew on this. Not because I think being racist is okay (duh) but because it is all hearsay and the guys are all primed from the last time to gang up on him. (Then again, I do still defend Kalon and his baggage comment.) But if I’m being honest, I bet a lot of fans of the show at least noticed the same thing. (And still being honest, the Bachelor franchise gets some heat for being pretty Caucasian. Please though, let’s not go “More to Love” on this show.)

Group Date: This has been talked about some so we should all know that this is miming. Should be painful. Are we shocked that these guys “don’t know how to mime” and “have never mimed before”? Their asides are all pretty funny. “He doesn’t yell at you…which is great.” None of the guys make sexy mimes. The crowd as about as into it as I am, which is not. Can we just go back to stripping please?

Nick is sulking and just can’t get into it. Thumbs down, Nick. Boo. I get that he doesn’t want to pretend that he is okay with the oddness that is the group date or the unevenness that is the reverse harem but he’s got to play the game if he wants to keep his impression.

JJ looks good dressed like a normal person. He wears jeans and steals her away for significant alone time. He took her on a ferris wheel which is smart for two reasons. It makes an impression and it is pretty uninterruptible. No surprise that he ends up with the group date rose.

The guys gang up on Nick because he gives off the smug vibe of assuming he is a front-runner. And he says he does think he is. These guys got catty pretty fast this episode. She asks what is up to farmer. Remember my rule farmer, it helps you to tell and hurts you to not. Granted, Cody and Patrick, two of the biggest voices in this are nowhere near as strong of contenders as Nick so maybe his attitude is kind of justified? But multiple guys tell Andi and this on top of his poor participation in the miming makes her miffed.

She says he seems “salty” which is a term I’m gonna adopt right now. Him, “It’s hard for me on group dates.” Her, “It’s hard for me to watch you on group dates.” And then she drags the drama out of him. “If I was your wife would you tell me?” “Fine, I’ll respect that.” But he does admit he was in the wrong to her.

Nick is not the secret admirer. So I was wrong about that. And that’s a good thing because his poem is terrible. But then who does that make the secret admirer? The guys must know. Why aren’t they ragging on him? Stupid editors. I hope he doesn’t get kicked off. Maybe it’s JJ. If it is Josh he might just cinch the competition.

Marquel is back to wearing terrible clashing patterns and colors. Some part of me wonders if JJ isn’t an evil genius. This opportunity is great to get rid of Marquel and Andrew in one fell swoop. Marquel and JJ have seeming talked to everyone but Andrew about this and he does it in front of the rest of the guys which is a foul play to me. Don’t sully a guy’s name until you know he is a terrible person. And this is the 2nd Andrew drama that JJ has been the catalyst of. Too bad I’m pretty sure JJ is harmless or I would expound upon my conspiracy theory.

Look at Andrew’s face. He seems blindsided. Marquel doesn’t seem to even give Andrew a chance. He has already made up his mind. Andrew does do social marketing or something (for Facebook maybe?) so I think he might know how to mind his P’s and Q’s. Andrew controls the situation really well and the drama fizzles once again. I would hire this man as my PR guy if I needed one.

Andrew tells Andi that he thinks the drama is affecting his ability to form a relationship with her. Which is pretty true since this is the first time I can remember ever seeing him talk to Andi 1-on-1. I think we need to wait for the Men Tell All segment before beginning shredding him online and being super careful even then.

Brian’s 1-on-1: Don’t let Cody scare you. Brian get’s the rose. They get to go to a cute little theater for two and watch that one movie about cooking in France, with the Indian guy, that I want to see. She ends up getting them both to eat fresh sea urchin. He swallows and smiles through the gag.

The cooking is awkward. They are facing away from each other and the conversation is stilted. Or maybe he just is as bad with signals now as he was on the court. Andi thinks he has an aggressive macho romantic side but I think he is just a sweet high school basketball coach. Their relationship seems to be as spicy as their food. (Their food is bland. Just making sure everyone gets it.)

He realizes again that he missed the moment. Her, “Do what you want to do.” Him, “I want to kiss you every moment.” He is endearingly little boyish. But he isn’t the one for her. She wants to be pursued and he is a little too taken with her to jump on the opportunities with reckless abandon.

Andi makes the bold move of canceling the cocktail party. She knows who she isn’t developing a relationship with and who she can keep around. She can pick out three guys which is more than the necessary two. Listening to your gut might be best at this stage. Patrick gets the most face time to date which obviously means he is out..and available!

Getting the boot with my lovely Patrick are Marquel and Andrew. Obviously, we don’t get to see any milking of the drama. Do I think Andrew was bullied. Goodness no. Do I think he is a bad guy. Nope. Will I miss Marquel’s fashion. Nope.

We go next week to Venice. Andi got a good slew of locations.

Jump to week 6.



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